Eretz Yisrael Time

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Sunday, September 17, 2006
Everyone knows that Israelis like to imitate America - or at least the America they see in the movies (the bad parts for sure). And there’s the problem, because in the movies what you see isn’t real. American movies are designed for American consumption, where they know what is imaginary and designed for the story, and what is real.

Unfortunately, foreign citizens overseas see American movies and misunderstand them. They think they represent America as it is, as opposed to the stories that Americans like to see.

So Israelis tend to imitate what they see - but the worst parts.

I write this because I just read how a US Congressman stepped down after it was found out that he accepted free international flights. Last year we read how a Governor stepped down after an illicit affair with his (wouldn’t you know it) Israeli aide. In real America, politicians lie and steal, but when exposed - step down immediately.

Yet the Israeli leadership does not see that stepping down in the movies, so they don’t follow suit.

We have a Prime Minister washing money through dirty land deals, we have a Police Chief apparently with mob ties, we have a Chief of Staff doing insider trading, a former Supreme Court President who owns 17 luxury apartments all on a civil servant’s salary (perhaps legally acquired with no perks from the banks or other loan sources, but let‘s get real) and a President who (despite what I originally thought) apparently has the morals of an alley cat.

Just like in the movies.

The problem is that in the movies there is usually a loose cannon hero that comes in to save the day.

While we do have Nadia Matar, Moshe Feiglin, and even Avri Ran, it just doesn’t work like it does in the movies.

So the bad guys know there is no rogue (good) cop or unintentional citizen hero coming to save the day and put them (the bad guys) in jail or six feet underground.

So they brazenly keep there jobs and continue on their merry life of crime and immorality, while we citizens suffer.

If you think about it, the hero in American movies actually represents the Mashiach. He’s usually some underdog who simply wants to do what’s right, fighting against a larger, impersonal system and crime - against all odds, yet something spurs him on, and he succeeds in doing a tikkun to the world around him.

If only our story would end that way soon.


Speaking of movies, it actually goes both ways, American understanding of the world outside of America is actually quite dependent on what they see on the big screen.

Would it be so bad if $200 million was taken from the defense budget and a big Hollywood producer and some big name actors were hired to create a quality, real pro-Israel (action) movie, and the profits used to produce pro-Israel sequels?

No Israelis should be involved in the production, and certainly no Israeli left-wingers who would feel the need to show something bad about Israel.

Americans would eat it up, and love Israel.

Here’s some plots:

Steven Seagal, former Sayeret Matkal soldier, dishonorably discharged for exposing his commander’s insider trading becomes a baal tshuva and is now a laid back settler from Bat Ayin (with a pony tail).

It transpires that members of the Israeli government plan to secretly release a group of evil terrorists in exchange for a kidnapped soldier, and a share in the casino in Jericho not to mention a big donation to their Peace Center.

Seagal accidentally learns of all this, from a hot (but tzanuah), 18 year old trempistit he picked up on her way to Gush Etzion, and finds himself dragged into the fray.

Seagal then proceeds to kill all the terrorists, including the ones in the meetings with high Israeli government officials. He frees the captured IDF soldier, gets rid of some bad Israeli politicians along the way, and of course marries the hot settler trempistit.

This movie would make Americans so pro-Israel (not to mention pro-hot settler trempistiot).

And there are so many other great movies we could film.

Vin Diesel as an accidental Mossad agent sent to Lebanon to kill Nasrallah (and clear out Israeli politics) after he is threatened with severe jail time for standing on a sidewalk holding up an orange poster.

And just imagine Pierce Brosnan as an Oleh from England now living in Neve Aliza, hiding his secret past as a pro-Israel MI-6 agent (which was why he was fired), now working for the Jewish Agency. He discovers that Israeli politicians are actively discouraging Aliyah from the West because they don’t want American and Jewish values overrunning the country.

In order to save Nefesh b’Nefesh, and get birthright! back on track he must trace the money coming from certain elite families in the Gush Dan region to a certain Prime Minister and his cabinet and expose it, hoping it will be enough (with media influence) to get them to step down.

Wow. Oscar Time. (And it might even make some Israelis pro-Israel).


Anonymous said...

I think you forgot the (ex) Justice Minister (Ramon) accused of putting his tongue in unwanted places.

So there you have it- Prime Minister, President, Chief of Police, and Justice Minister all under investigaton.

May the new year bring us a political earthquake.


JoeSettler said...

Ramon is a non-story as it stands right now.

Why in the world would he quit for such a nonsense reason (nonsense because it looks half set-up, and the girl probably threw herself on him), unless he knows that the powers-that-be have something a lot bigger and more serious on him and he is afraid they'll reveal that?

tafka PP said...

I had what to reply to this post- even vaguely complimentary- until I read your reply to Assaf.

You're always complaining how the Israeli media distorts- where exactly are you making these sweeping judgements about this girl's behaviour from?

JoeSettler said...

tafka: I don't want to talk L"H before R"H, but have you ever been in a pure Israeli work environment and seen what goes on there?

kl: I haven't got a clue as to what you are talking about. AVP? Treatment?

martin: oh, so much to respond to in your post, but I'll hold myself back. Besides there's not much different in your version of the story to what is already on the big screen.

I'm thinking of replacing Seagal with Kiefer Sutherland who is much cooler (but less available for gigs), but I would then have to change Bat Ayin to Neve Daniel to fit him in better.

Anonymous said...

Lindsay Lohan as the trempistit

JoeSettler said...

You definitely got Jack Nicholson right as the founder of the Peace Center and Nobel Prize winner.

I can already see the scene.

Nicholson is confronted by the hero as the secret donations to his Peace Center are exposed, his position as a stakeholder in the Jericho casino revealed, and of course everyone knows how his delusional dreams have directly caused the deaths of thousands of Jews.

Nicholson screams out, "The Truth! You want the Truth? I can't handle the Truth!"

Fern @ Life on the Balcony said...

"In real America, politicians lie and steal, but when exposed - step down immediately."

As an American, I'm not entirely convinced that the above is true. American politicians only step down when they do something truly horrendous and are caught with incontrovertable evidence. Otherwise, the spin or deny or sling mud, just like politicians everywhere else. For example, a couple of months ago Senator Patrick Kennedy from Rhode Island drove while intoxicated (apparently he was taking a sleeping medication and had also drunk a lot of alcohol) and caused an accident. When he was interviewed by the police, he claimed that he had an important vote to get to at the capital building (this was in the middle of the night and there was no vote about to be held). He later admitted to being addicted to prescription drugs and checked himself into rehab. There wasn't any great cry for the Senator to step down and the Senator isn't planning on stepping down. Even though the Senator admitted to driving while he was under the influence and lying about where he was going to get out of being arrested (our Constitution prevents Senators from being arrested if they are on their way to a vote).

tafka PP said...

Joe- with the exception of one of my jobs, I've entirely and only been in "pure Israeli work environments." Your point being...?

Anonymous said...

Tafka- I need to support Joe. Joe is correct that in the Israeli workforce there is a lot more "liberty" with interaction of the sexes. Before, during, and after work. Israeli "women" enjoy the sexual flirt. They play the game to the fullest. The boundries here are more blurred then in the US.

Wherether the leftist Ramon shoved his tongue is the chalyalet's mounth is up to the courts to decide.

I like to give assume he is innocent till proven guilty. But I will not shed any tears if this removes him from looking at the PM chair in the future.

As for Jack Nicholson playing "The Loser", you guys are on to a blockbuster movie. (Portman is a good choice as well)


JoeSettler said...

fern: The Kenedy clan are a special breed above the the law. But perhaps the Pereses, Sharons, Olmerts, et al are all emulating the Kenedy family as opposed to normal politicians.

pp: The company ink jar is open for dipping, as they say. Assaf explained it quite well, and I've seen it quite open whether in the military or the office environment.

But you're assuming the opposite, you're making sweeping judgements about men's behavior as if it only one tangos.

Regardless, the point was that Ramon quit over such a minor infraction (certainly compared to everyone else) when he could have easily held on, which leads me to believe that he has much more serious skeletons in his closet that he doesn't want revealed.

bar_kochba132 said...

Who is the Supreme Court President
with 17 luxury apartments?

JoeSettler said...

Who is the Supreme Court President with 17 luxury apartments?

His name starts with "Former Supreme Court President" and ends with... "Barak".

JoeSettler said...

Here's a link:

JoeSettler said...

It is important to qualify that the Israeli aide is now (as in this week) denying all wrongdoings and says he was sexually assaulted by the NJ governor, and he himself isn't gay nor slept with the guy.

tafka PP said...

But you're assuming the opposite, you're making sweeping judgements about men's behavior as if it only one tangos.

I'm not the one making sweeping judgments here about people, Joe.

You have a good Rosh Hashana.

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