Eretz Yisrael Time

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Thursday, May 11, 2006
I have a few off-topic articles to get off my chest, so just bear with me until I get all this stuff out.

I’ve been in quite a few near car accidents this past month (and one actually happened).

What annoys me is that each (near) accident has been practically identical. Not only that, but practically every traffic accident I’ve ever had in Israel over the years has been nearly identical.

An Israeli driver simply not looking at the road in front of him just plows right into the back of my (usually unmoving) car.

I know I put it into parenthesis, but perhaps I shouldn’t. You see, in nearly every case I was either not moving, or the last car in a practically motionless traffic jam.

Yet the Israeli driver tries to zoom right on through!

Yesterday I was driving on the highway, and we aren’t moving fast, but I see this guy far behind me zooming towards me. He’s of course honking his horn to tell me to get out of his way (from a mile down the road no less). But what’s funny is that there is a car just 3 car lengths in front of me (that empty space really, really annoys Israelis on the road), so I don’t know where he thinks he’s going.

I realize though that just like his horn, he actually doesn’t intend to stop. I quickly swerve out of my lane to watch him screech to a halt just inches behind the car that was in front of me and where I was just seconds before.

Today the same thing occurred, and he just missed clipping me when he looked up from his phone and swerved at the last second.

I’ve even been sitting at red lights and gotten hit from behind (whiplash and all).

My wife has an acquaintance whose car was slammed halfway over a cliff (at the entrance to Jerusalem) while she sat at a red light.

Once, while manning a roadblock (to catch a terrorist) an Israeli drove right on through never even noticing that we all had to jump out of the way of her speeding car to avoid being run over. She only realized that something was going on when all 4 of her tires were punctured by the spikes we had set down. She actually had the nerve to blame us.

I actually had an Israeli follow me into a parking spot, and start honking when I wasn’t moving until she realized that we were no longer on the road!!!!

Based on my own experiences, I suspect that the majority of accidents must be quite similar. Maybe it’s time to start training Israeli to actually look at the road, to look 2 cars ahead, to put down that cellphone, and to keep some space between cars. The results might be staggering.

I also think that Israelis use their horn as a substitute assault weapon. You’re in their way - Bang-Bang Honk. Too slow - Bang-Bang Honk. Lights about to change - Bang-Bang Honk. You’re driving in front of me - Bang-Bang Honk. (Perhaps that's why they forget to break?)

To be honest I don’t get it, all this honking, but to my wife’s amusement, I’ve actually decided to do it too. It’s my new way of making fun of Israelis. Joe Settler is on the road - Honk. Turning the corner – Honk. Stopping at the light – Honk. Driving down the street – Honk. I’ve noticed that the Israelis don’t understand why I am honking at them. But I think that is fair. I don’t actually know why they are honking either.

Olmert may be tired of fighting Palestinians, but I’m getting tired of driving on the road. It’s worse than ever (summer approaching definitely does that), and it is more dangerous than ever.

I love to drive, but I really, really don’t want to get back on the road with these Israelis anymore. What can be done?


Rafi G. said...

replace the horn with an assault weapon..

Rafi G. said...

replace the horn with an assault weapon..

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Replace their brakes with a horn.

Anonymous said...

Get a donkey!


Anonymous said...

... so YOU're the schlepper that causes all the accidents!!

Move With Traffic!!!

Lady-Light said...

How did I miss this post of yours? It's hysterical, but true. I visited Israel for the first time in almost 25 years (believe it or not)this past Nov/Dec '05. I made the mistake of attempting to drive to Yerushalayim from Petach Tikva, at night, after not having driven there in - eh - 25 years(!). I was doing the limit, in the right lane, on the highway, and there was a car tailgating me and honking me all the way, until I couldn't take it anymore, pulled over and shakily asked my son to take over the wheel! They are NUTS, these Israeli drivers, and have no concept of the Rule of Law on the roads. I think every driver should be required to re-take the drive test for every renewal (maybe that's already the law, I don't know), and be periodically tested every year or so - and have their license suspended for even one moving violation on the test.

Anonymous said...

very funny andd very true

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